Someone sent me the following message on my personal tumblr and I wanted to keep their anonymity but I also wanted to share —-
"it’s so fucking inspirational how much you seem to love your body and even though you reblog a lot of pics of very thin models it doesn’t like make you want to lose weight (it seems) that’s just awesome that you can see how gorgeous you are and as someone recovering from anorexia I just want you to know how amazing you are"
I just want to let you know that I’ve kept this in my inbox since you’ve sent it because it made such an impact but I never knew how to respond. I always typically delete every message after I read it, but not yours.
I’m not sure how old you are or what your story is but I understand somewhat what you must go through. Literally my whole life I’ve been a little overweight and it always made me super unhappy. When I was in middle school and high school, I struggled with anorexia. I would count the hours it had been since I ate (which was sometimes days) and felt guilty for eating something as small as a grape. At that time and other times in my life, I suffered from deep depression and I understand it isn’t easy to get out of, but we can at least try our best. Constantly thinking about food or lack of food controls your life and I knew that’s not how I wanted to live. We should control our own lives - not anorexia, not food, not anything but us.
Over the past few years I’ve gone up and down within 30lbs or so with my weight but I’ve recently had the realization that my number, that weight, shouldn’t affect my happiness. It’s how I feel, the experiences I have, and the appreciation I have for my life that should affect my happiness.
Starving myself never made me feel good, it only made me worry more and feel weak. What makes me happy is eating well and exercising regularly and if I don’t lose weight, I don’t really care because I FEEL GOOD AND CONFIDENT. I definitely get into those grooves where I eat really shitty food and stop working out but even though the number on the scale may stay the same, I feel horrible about myself because of the shit I’m putting into my body.
Of course I still have my insecurities, everyone does, but what is important to me is taking account of what in my life I am unhappy about and which of those things I personally have control over. If I have control over something like the way my body feels, then I have the power to change it. If I don’t have personal control over something that makes me unhappy, I can only put whatever I can forth but eventually have to let it go because otherwise it will drive you crazy.